- to find a way

publicerat i thoughts & feelings;

Two months have passed since I left my second family and home. It feels unreal that it's so close but so far away at the same time. Because so much have changed since I came back to Sweden - I got my own apartment, I'm working full time at the hospital as an assistant nurse, I've turned 22, I've celebrated swedish christmas. I've done all the swedish things I've missed. But the feeling of having a second home is stronger than ever. Because my life with the family was going on when I was there, but it's more clear when I'm far away from them how important they are in my life, how much impact they had and have. I'm not gonna lie - it was horrible to leave them and come back to Sweden. It's been so hard to be away from my boys I've spent two years with. And I didn't feel like I belonged here anymore. I just wanted to go back. I texted my amazing host mom everyday and said I wanted to be with them. Because that's what I really wanted to. But I realized that life goes on, even if you don't want it to go on. I needed to find myself again, back here that was my home.

I've talked to them a lot since I left, I got letters the other day that made my tears fall. I know they will be a part of my life for ever and I will see the kids grow up. They will be at my wedding. Meet my kids. They will be there always. Because family is something you choose - and they are a part of my family ❤️

a extra heartbeat

publicerat i life in california, thoughts & feelings;
....with a smile
Today was one of those days I felt that little extra heartbeat for being an au pair.
In the morning I left my little one at growingroom. After I said goodbye he ran after me and said "Amanda Amanda", then he gave me a hug and a kiss. For him, we didn't say goodbye without it. I walked away smiling, because it made me so happy that he came running for me.
Tonight I was watching my older ones third grade concert. I was crying, because I was so proud over him for doing such a great job with playing, singing and dancing. I know how hard he has been practicing, so to see that made me so happy.

 These moments is making me appreciate it a lot and everything we are sharing, is moments I will remember. I don't think I will ever understand how much my au pair job means to me, it is something special and what I and the children is having between each other is so much love.
And I love my hostkids, so much ♥